Battle Fury, or Fear Bound?

“Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” ― Mitch Albom

It’s not being angry that is unhealthy – it’s holding on to it, like grief or sorrow, which is damaging and harmful.

All anger stems from fear. Fear was biologically designed for our survival. It helps keep us alive – alerts us to danger, and then keeps us alive to the best of its ability by releasing chemicals, sharpening senses, and providing accentuated physical abilities for the short-term.

Anger is the component of fear when we are in danger of losing the mortal battle that pushes us to overcome our own doubt and drives us to victory. It is why the term “battle fury” exists and why in dangerous situations anger is a truly useful emotion.

In western society where most of us have moved out of a “kill or be killed” life, fear and anger still exist, but now react to situations that are not life-threatening. These emotions can now warp our minds and physical reactions to act upon irrelevant issues and concepts that are not of consequence to our existence. It is these “non-lethal” circumstances that most often inspire anger in today’s “civilised” society.

When you really drill down on what is underneath your anger, you will find fear. Usually one must push past a bruised pride, and wounded feelings (no easy task) to get to the core issue of your anger, but it is possible.

Example – Friend betrays your trust and tells others secrets about things you have done (that you are not proud of).  You are angry – want revenge, want to tell everyone that this “friend” was with you the whole time, they encouraged you. You want them exposed and held accountable for betraying your trust. You want to use social media to drag them through the mud – make them feel worse than you.

But stop. Take a moment to breathe. Where is this truly coming from? Is vengeance necessary for such a trivial matter?

Start by brutally examining the reason for the anger:

Feelings:

>Hurt that you were betrayed. OK, what else? Guilt at being exposed doing wrong.
>Why should you worry about being exposed? Because people may not like you
> Why do you care what people think of you? Because they validate that you are a “good person”
> Why do you need them to validate you? Because you don’t believe it yourself. You are scared if people think badly of you, you will have to accept that they are right and believe you are a “bad person”. (Even though logically we all know there is no such thing.)
>Why does that matter? Because we are social animals and a core need of our species is to be part of a society.

So in the above scenario, anger translates to a base fear – being shunned.

Being really honest and digging past one or two levels of questioning is very confronting. It means we have to allow ourselves to be vulnerable – even if only in our own thought process – and that is scary in itself.
But – if you start questioning where your anger comes from, you will find that it often diffuses, and then allows for clearer thinking and therefore reaction. No “Knee-jerk” responses that are later regretted.
Suppressing anger is just as damaging as holding onto it. Either way, it doesn’t get processed, and so the physical effects – though dampened – remain. Heart pounding, that feeling in your gut, higher blood pressure, and even lack of sleep or concentration as your mind is not able to move on past the situation. It needs to be processed, and let out.

In the Pagan (well, mainly neo-pagan and Wiccan) communities the concept of living with “Love and Light” breeds a seething undertow of repressed or unprocessed anger that warps into resentment, competition, power struggles, one-upmanship, and backstabbing. Why is it so common in these communities? Because many who seek enlightenment are doing so to fill a void in their lives. As with religion, there are those whose self-hate and insecurity is so ingrained that these people don’t see that they are desperately unhappy, scared, and isolated.

The irony is that travelling the Path of the Mysteries allows us to become capable of seeking – and finding – insight, self-love and comfort if we are willing to give ourselves to the process of true self-discovery and enlightenment. When this can be achieved (even if just for moments at a time) we experience not only the loss of fear and anger, but true feelings of compassion, love, and contentment.

Still, for now I will continue to try and find the true source (trigger) of any anger that comes my way….and hopefully I won’t be too busy throwing chairs, hexes and sharp objects around to be able to follow my own advice! (yes yes…I’m kidding about the throwing of stuff. maybe.)

Niamh

“Anger … it’s a paralyzing emotion … you can’t get anything done. People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling —- I don’t think it’s any of that —- it’s helpless … it’s absence of control —- and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that —- I have no use for it whatsoever.”
― Toni Morrison

~ Art – “Rage and Gentleness” by DanielaUhlig

~ by Niamh's Labyrinth on May 8, 2013.